My Story

When I first sat down to write my story, I wanted to pour it out in every toxic detail. But that really isn't the purpose of this site.

My story is basically the same as every victim of narcissistic abuse. It started the same:

• He was charming when we first met.
• He was persistent.
• He was romantic and loved me (love bombing).

It progressed the same (it's amazing how unoriginal abusers are):

• He wanted my full attention.
• He manipulated to control me.
• He isolated me from friends and family.
• He monitored my communications and whereabouts.
• He had two faces, one of charm and one of rage
• Early in the relationship, I would do sweet little things to see more of the charming face.
• I rationalized and denied.
• Later, I was walking on eggshells to avoid his rage.

I was with him ten years. I was isolated for seven of them. In the last three years, my eyes were open to the fact I was in an abusive relationship and I was building myself back up.  I had a support system and was growing more independent – but I still didn't understand how deep I was in.

Although my friends were telling me I was with an abusive narcissist, I really didn't understand. I thought, sure, he's a selfish bastard. But that's not what it is. An abusive narcissist is someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They can range in severity and the signs they display – and sometimes they have multiple disorders that, combined, is known as a malignant narcissist.

I was in both a romantic and business relationship with a malignant narcissist. And I left without knowing what was going to happen.

When I was leaving:

• He took my phone so I couldn't call the police.
• He took all my electronic devices, taking control my email, my contacts and, though my LastPass account, my social media accounts, my GoDaddy account (taking possession of my website and that of my clients), my AppleID and stole my ad agency's intellectual property.
• He stalked me physically, even to the ER.
• He stalked my sons.

I got a temporary restraining order that also gave me temporary possession of our residence to get my personal property. After his eviction, I returned to find:

• He had placed his mother in the house in violation to the restraining order. (I later learned why.)
• He removed the computers from the house and the backup drive with all my client files.
• He took all the clothes he thought looked good on me, including all my lingerie and my heels. He cut up clothes that he didn't like.

He continually violated his restraining order. He and his niece were calling friends and family to find where I was hiding...which he eventually did.  I had to hide again, with the help of a domestic violence resource center, until I was able to leave the state.

I was living in fear. The hearing for my restraining order was split into two dates due to time constraints. I had to leave before his defense was heard and, due to his perjury, the motion was denied.

But this wasn't all he had planned. When I left, the malicious abuse of process, cyberstalking / harassment and extortion began. That is where I am today – processing, mentally and emotionally, to recover from the long-term abuse from a malignant narcissist while still being abused long-distance.

Make no mistake, I would MUCH rather be in the position I am in today than where I was for 10 years.

I am still seeking answers and still learning. And want to share what I have learned to help other victims of narcissistic abuse and cyberstalking and harassment.

I hope that you can learn from both my mistakes and my successes.